Death By Your Hands
by acciorobin
Summary: 4 years have past, our couple are both at uni and have just broken up. Rose is confused and is on the verge of insanity. Damian is lost and is questioning their love. Is Damian prepared to rid the streets of his city of the scum? Even though it includes the person he'd die for? SEQUEL TO "I AM ROSE." Recommend that you read the previous story first to understand this one.
1. 24th of November

_WOOOT Finally I posted this! I've been suffering from a major writers block and it was just awful BUT I DID IT I'm sure I've lost like loads of readers but seriously, every time and went and sat down by my laptop to write my mind went completely blank :p I hope you all don't hate me too much! _

_Well, this is just a starter, it's carried on from the prologue I put up on I Am Rose. The chapters will get longer I promise!  
_

_Enjoy!  
_

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Rose knocked three times onto her sister's apartment's door and waited, her eyes looking to the floor, her cheeks stained with tears. She felt lost, and her sister was the last person on her list that would be able to help, but she didn't have anyone else. She didn't want to go back to the manor, she was too embarrassed to, and couldn't bear the questions and concerned looks from everyone there. Her sister was her last resort.

After what seemed like years, the door swung open, revealing Lily in her sweatpants and tank top, her hair in a messy bun and she seemed to still be rubbing the sleep from her eyes. Rose was confused, it wasn't early at all; it had just gone 8 AM. When she was living with Damian they both always woke up before eight, it was just something they found normal, sleeping it till 12 didn't happen often but the nights where Damian was out patrolling were exceptions.

"Rose? What are you doing here?"

Rose blinked, sending a blank stare Lily's way. That was not how she expected her to sound, maybe annoyed yes, for appearing on her doorstep without any warning early on a Saturday, but she sounded irritated, appalled, confused.

"Can I crash here for a little while please?" She said the words separately, slowly; it took everything she had to get them out of her mouth. The lump in her throat was not going.

"Why? What's wrong with your place?"

The lump intensified and she felt her eyes brim with tears once again. Lily seemed to notice because her gaze softened.

"Hey sweetie, did something happen with Damian?"

Rose just nodded and let out a muffled sob. Lily pulled her into a hug and Rose cried on her big sister's shoulder. They had grown apart since Lily made her move out from the manor, Rose hadn't forgiven her, for everything she had done, their relationship was tense and they rarely made conversation.

But they had their moments.

"You can stay here," Rose knew there was a condition, "but there are tons of boxes everywhere, we're moving tomorrow petal."

"I can just stay here after you've left, make it my own."

"Baby we've already sold it."

Rose squeezed Lily tight and cried harder, she hadn't anywhere to go.

"I know, you can stay with your friend...What's his name? Callum? Caleb?"

Rose smiled against Lily's shoulder. "Colin."

"Yeah, him. I'm sure he wouldn't mind you staying there."

Closing her eyes, she thought about it for a moment and then nodded. "Okay, thank you."

Colin was really the only friend she had now, he had stuck with her throughout all these years and she was bewildered as to why, she was a pretty difficult person.

Lily patted her back and pulled her into her home.

"Mark? Could you go and get Rose's things from her car, please?"

New boyfriend Mark was no longer new boyfriend Mark, but husband Mark. Lily and Mark had gotten married 2 years ago, Rose was a bridesmaid, along with Lily's two other close friends. It was a lovely night, Lily looked beautiful as usual, and Mark looked as if he was going to faint any second. And they are both happy, Rose thought, as she watched Lily make a fuss over him and Mark laugh and roll his eyes.

He waved at Rose and disappeared out the door to get her things.

The apartment seemed empty, there were piles and piles of boxes everywhere, and the only thing left was the beds and a few kitchen equipment left so they could have their food that day.

Rose walked over to the room she used to call her own and sat down on the bed, it looked even more like a hotel room than before. Falling backwards on her bed, she closed her eyes, trying not to think about anything, but failing miserably.

She ended up thinking about her relationship with Damian, it seemed years ago they were sleeping side by side or making breakfast together, as it was only yesterday night Damian had told her they should take a break. She remembered it so clearly, as if it had just happened. He told her their relationship wasn't a healthy one and that her changes were affecting him a lot, he had said that many times before, along with other thing such as not being his same Rose, or disliking her recent attitude to everything. He said he needed some time to think, and that he was restless and tired of trying to make everything okay between them before they went to bed.

Now that she thought about it, they had been this way for over a year, they had grown distant. But it wasn't Rose's fault, she would say to him, it wasn't her fault that she had to keep seeing Dr. Owen, he sometimes asked her questions which she found strange and uncomfortable.

"_Have you ever seen something that's not really there, Rose?"_

"_Tell me, you haven't heard voices in your head recently, have you not?_"

"_Do you feel more aggressive lately?"_

He ended up prescribing her some sort of medicine, which Rose refused to take, she didn't understand what it was, why she needed it and what was wrong with her. Damian insisted she took it, and every time she didn't each day she'd feel stranger and stranger, lighter and lighter. Her manner and thoughts changed a lot as well, when she didn't take her medicine, sometimes she would yell things and scream others, she would hit and shove anyone who was close enough to her, walking around on her own became forbidden, Damian made sure someone was with her at all times. Her drawings become darker and slightly more 'disturbing than beautiful,' as Damian had put it before.

And she never ever said yes to training, not once in 4 years, which came back around in the end, she was walking back from university one day and someone managed to pull her into an alley way and steal some of her money, making sure to cut her arm, just in case she refused. Damian had had enough after that incident, he had screamed that she was a selfish bitch who didn't care about anyone else's feelings but her own, he told her how broken he would be if she got kidnapped again, he said he'd feel lost and incomplete, but yet she didn't do it. It wasn't because she didn't want to anymore, it was just a habit and she had grown so used to saying no it was routine now, and Rose hated changing routine for anything.

Rose sighed and kicked her sneakers off, getting under her bed covers she decided to sleep for a bit, maybe it was all just a dream and she'd wake up next to Damian's sleeping face in the morning.

If only dreams were true.

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_Please tell me what you think! What are your thoughts so far? :D_


	2. 27th of November

_This chapter is somewhat a little maybe kind darker than others, but not much at all. Some of the chapters will be _very _dark, and that's a kind of maybe warning! Well, I know it took a while, but the chapters finally here! Bare with me guys! Thanks so much for your reviews, they really do help! _

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Rose yawned and swatted away the bleeping alarm clock by her side, chucking it onto the floor of the living room she was sleeping in. The door opened loudly and Rose heard someone walking in, their footsteps echoed throughout the small room. She sat up on the couch and pulled the bed covers off of herself, rubbing her eyes awake.

"Wakey wakey, sunshine!" A slightly hyper Colin Wilkes yelled and he pulled the blinds apart, letting the light from the sun seep into the room.

Rose groaned and heard him laugh loudly. The night after she had crashed at her sister's house, Rose had called Colin and he was more than happy to let her stay at his small, yet warm home. It barely had two bedrooms, one which Colin slept in, the other his "office," a living room which had a table in the middle for eating and a tiny kitchen, but Rose didn't care, it was a nice change from the big houses she used to stay in.

The redhead turned to face one of his best friends and he sent her a comforting smile, "you okay? You'll be alright at Uni?"

Rose blinked twice at him and almost forget to nod at him, she pulled her hair into a bun and got up to fold away the bed covers and went to the kitchen to make them both breakfast.

Colin hadn't stopped asking her if she was alright, but she knew he wasn't talking about the break up, but her mental wellbeing, Colin was one of the few who could tell how she had changed, whenever she asked what he meant he would say it was the small things; she rarely hung up her drawings anymore, she would draw on her fingers or sort her clothes into colour in her wardrobe. Yes, he knew about his best friend's breaking up, but was the only one who didn't seem to be sending her sympathetic looks, he never forgot to voice his own opinion on the whole ordeal too, laughing as well.

"_You two will be exchanging saliva soon enough_," he would say, punching her on the arm gently. "_Damian can't stay away from you for too long_."

His words rang in Rose's ears as she cracked an egg onto the pan and put the kettle on, she heard Colin walk out the room to change and once he had closed the door Rose covered her face with her hands and shut her eyes tight, so tight she started to see spots. All of a sudden everything seemed louder than they really were. Rose didn't feel as if she had power over her body anymore, she felt herself sink to the floor and she covered her ears, hoping to stop the sounds she could hear.

But there wasn't anything in the room that was making at sound, apart from the kettle and by now it seemed as if it was screaming for Rose, there wasn't any other human in the room, so why could she hear people talking to her?

She was covering her ears in vain, she realised and with a pang of fear she burst into hysterical tears, the voices were in her head, Dr. Owen was right.

_ Get out of here _

_ Ge_

_ ut_

_ of_

_ here_

_ You need to _

_ escape_

_ RUN_

"SHUT UP. SHUT. UP. I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE," Rose screamed, to who though, she hadn't a clue.

Was she screaming to herself? Did she really need to escape? What was happening to her mind?

She wrapped her arms around her knees and hit her head in her knees, crying and crying and crying, she didn't cover her ears, there wasn't any point, her brain, her mind, had gone against her.

...

"Rose? Can you hear me?"

The brunette frowned and moved her hand up to rub her eyes. Opening them, she blinked till they focused and realised she was face to face with Dr. Owen, a worried looking Colin standing behind him.

She was still on the floor of Colin's kitchen, and her back was aching. The doctor felt her forehead and then helped her sit up, handing her a glass of water.

"I don't think I need to say anything to you, Rose."

"Yes, you don't. I'm fine, I don't need any pills. I'm _normal_," she spat out and stood up with all the dignity she had left in her.

Walking into Colin's room, she quickly changed into a pair of jeans and jumper and brushed her hair, fixed Colin's room up and picked up her bag, doing anything she could to stop her from thinking too much.

Rose was lying to herself, she was anything but normal, but she didn't want any pills, she didn't want any help, she didn't want _change._

Colin knocked on the door and she went and opened it, he had a sheepish look on his face and Rose realised he was wearing only jeans; he must've been half way through changing when Rose had her outburst.

Rose bit her lip and looked down, pulling her backpack over her shoulder properly.

"Sorry about...you know," she told her, her voice quiet.

"Why are you apologising to me?" he said, his voice almost stern. "There is nothing you need to say sorry for."

Looking up at him, she noticed just how much he had grown in their years of friendship, but he was always the friend that would be there for you, snow or hail, he'd jump of a cliff for his closest peers – or has he says, his family.

There were scars on his muscularly built torso, from missions with Robin and Abuse. His arms were toned, yet warm when he hugged you and his smile and laugh could make anyone feel better.

Rose felt her eyes well up with tears and Colin pulled her into his embrace, rubbing a comforting hand up and down her back. Rose shut her eyes to stop the tears and went up on her tiptoes to wrap her arms around his shoulders.

"Rose, you'll be okay, everything will be okay, just don't give in, promise me that."

She nodded against his shoulder, "I promise." He pulled back to kiss her forehead.

"You aren't going to stay home, are you?"

Rose shook her head and let out a soft laugh, making him roll his eyes.

"Fine, but call me if you need anything."

...

She was late, but got there just in time for her second lecture. Rose was at the University of Gotham, for the rich, clever and famous, studying to be an architect one day. She loved it, drawing and designing, it took her mind of things.

As she walked through the doors, a hush fell over the students there and everyone started to point and stare, whispering to their friends.

Rose kept her head down and fiddled with her jumper sleeve, shuffling to the class. Even after all those years, she hadn't ever gotten used to people talking about her, gossiping and starting rumours, with Damian it had only gotten worse and now that they'd broken up it seemed as if everyone in the United States knew.

She was only glad that Damian was studying mathematics and was in a different building to her, having to walk past him without being able to secretly graze his hand would've killed her. She hadn't seen him since that morning and didn't know when the next time would be, but considering they were both very popular, they would pass on the next event for the celebrities of Gotham and Rose sighed at the thought of it.

The lecture started and Rose half tried to sleep half scribbled furiously into her notebook everything the professor was telling them. People were looking at her, sending her glares and shaking their heads, the rumours had obviously spread wrong. Rose frowned and shrugged to herself, it didn't matter, nothing mattered very much to her anymore.

At lunch it was the same, Rose sat by herself for the first time in a while and told herself to get used to it, she didn't have any friends apart from Colin and Damian, she was popular, but no one bothered to befriend her, she was also boring.

"Hey Jacobs, how you feeling now that you haven't got a boyfriend to hide behind anymore?!"

"Exactly, who's going to stand up for you now? Crazy mommy or dead daddy?"

"You sure you haven't picked anything up from her?"

The canteen erupted into laughter and Rose stood up, about to say something but her shyness got the better of her and instead she chucked her food in the bin and stormed out the doors, tears falling from her eyes. She ran to the girls' bathroom and locked herself in a cubicle, she didn't want to ever leave, she didn't want to see anyone.

...

"How are you feeling today, Rose?"

Rose looked up from her shoes and to the doctor in front of her, shrugging.

"What makes us know what emotion we're feeling? How do we know if we're feeling anything at all?" she said, frowning.

Dr. Owen patted her hand and kept it on top of hers.

"Rose, how do you feel when you're close to Damian?"

Her breathing hitched in her and she felt her cheeks heat up, her bottom lip trembled at his name.

"Hurt, anger, confusion...love."

"Exactly, you do know what you feel, it is not something that you need a button to press, it comes naturally."

Rose nodded and crossed her leg over the other.

After what happened at Uni Rose left for Colin's place and soon after she left for Dr. Owen's office. She had an appointment today.

Rose had forgotten the amount of times she had been in his office, it was average size, had white walls and there was a desk in the corner where they usually sat, with a window overlooking the hustle and bustle of Gotham. There were pictures hanging on the walls, of the mind, the brain and the body. Dr. Owen had graduated as a psychiatrist top of his class in his youth.

"Now, I want to talk to you about what happened this morning, or rather, you tell me what happened."

Her eyes squinted to a glare and she sent it his way, he was doing this on purpose, trying to get reasons, excuses, for her to give up and accept the medication.

Being the stubborn girl she was Rose answered with: "Nothing happened, doctor."

He raised an eyebrow and shook his head. "It didn't look that way to Mr. Wilkes and me."

Rose clenched her teeth together and shook her head, the voices were coming back. _Not now_, she thought, but they didn't listen and only got louder.

"Can we talk about something else?" she asked him, pulling her knees to her chest on the chair.

Dr. Owen looked at her for a minute or so, but sighed and shrugged, "of course, but Rose you must understand the more you ignore it, the more it is going to get worse, I won't do anything you aren't happy with, but I'm only concerned for your mental health, I am going to be frank when I say it is not looking good Rose, not good at all."

He gave her that look that all doctors give their patients when they aren't listening, it reminded her of her old dentist when she wouldn't stop having chocolates before bed when she was younger and he would never stop telling her off- she never listened, she loved chocolate too much.

It was that way with everything, if Rose loved something, someone, she won't listen to what anyone else has to say about it, with Damian she didn't acknowledge what the papers said at all, they never made an impact on her.

Rose only nodded.

"Let's talk about what happened with Damian then, why did he end your relationship? He was the only person who could help you, from my perspective," he told her.

Rose shrugged, "why don't you ask him," she said through gritted teeth.

"I want to hear it from your mouth though," he said, patting her hand again, it was something he did a lot throughout the years. She hated it.

"He ended it because I was becoming too much work for him. That's it."

Dr. Owen frowned, "that doesn't sound like Damian."

"And you would know, right?" Rose said, sarcasm dripping from her mouth.

"From my observations, I would yes."

Rose rolled her eyes and picked her bag up from the ground. "I think we've done everything today," she said, making her way to the door.

As she was leaving, she heard him yell, "that's my line!" and she rolled her eyes again, smiling anyway. He got on her nerves, but he was also someone she could confide in, he was the closest thing she had to a father and told him all her high school secrets, problems and fears. He always listened, and she was grateful for it.

"_It's my job, Rose. I get paid for it_," he used to say, but laugh and hug her anyway.

...

She opened the door to Colin's flat and dumped her bag down, making her way to the fridge to look for food. She was about to open the door of it but stopped when she saw a post-it-note and Colin's untidy and slightly annoying handwriting on it.

_Gone on a mission. Don't worry. With Damian. Be back late._

Rose scrunched it up and chucked it away, she couldn't help but think that he was _with _Damian, he could be telling Colin anything, well he will be, he always did confide in him. What if he said anything about Rose? Would Colin tell her? Probably not, he'd only tell her not to flatter herself if she asked and flick her forehead.

With a tub of ice cream in her hand, she quickly left it on the table to change into pyjama shorts and a tank top and ate until she was absolutely full, reading some of her notes from class as well.

After she had finished and was too tired to read anymore, she got comfortable on her pillow and finally let the voices fill her head and mind up, she let them in her head and the voices talked her to sleep, they did every night and when she woke up from her nightmares they were there, sometimes comforting her, sometimes screaming at her to run.

Run where though? She had no where to run, no one to run to.

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_Thoughts? _


End file.
